Starting A New Chapter Pt. 1

What Do We Do When The Uncontrollable Sobbing Is Finally Over, What Do We Do When We’re Feeling Good Again And Healing After A Breakup, What Do We Do When It’s Time To turn The Page?

By Sophie LaRocca

Published, June 30, 2024

There are certain pin points you have to hit after a breakup; Crying until you vomit, doing anything to get said person back, being angry, coming to terms with it, and then turning the page. Turning the page and starting a new chapter happens after things dull down and you finally come to terms with the fact that this is real. And well, that what will be will be. But you can not turn the page until you are fully ready. You can not force yourself to turn the page and start a new chapter, but you’ll know.

There will be times after a breakup where you feel lonely, extreamly so. Especially when you’re in a room full of people who all seem to be coupled up and you’re alone. (Or with your Dad instead of boyfriend.) But sometimes you’ll come to realize that being alone, is better then being with someone who can’t take care of your needs, let alone theirs. But you will have nights—that after you think you’ve gotten over it— you’ll cry yourself to sleep. Because I have. And you’ll have some nights when you’re out with your friends, and you don’t think about them at all. Not one bit. You’ll enjoy being single. But being single isn’t for the faint of heart, especially after a breakup. But there is a power in being alone.

That turning the page moment doesn’t necessarily mean that you won’t cry afterwards, or that you won’t think of them. It just means that you are ready to move on.

My turning the page moment was when I was out with my co workers a couple of Friday nights ago. We went to this wonderful restaurant we go to every year after the kids graduate. (I work at a Pre-K.) But this year was extra special; This year someone very important was graduating. My mini me. She’s like a niece to me, and when she got that diploma, I felt a part of my soul rejuvenat. Like I came back to life after a couple of weeks of darkness. Like everything was ok, and the world was spinning again. No one was moving on without me, I was right there.

I was right where I was supposed to be.

And then we got to the restaurant and it was on. I’m lucky enough to say that I work with some amazing people. Truly. And I know not a lot of people can say that, but when in doubt, some of my co-workers have really come through.

You see, co workers are similar to friends with benefits! (If you have good ones.) Like friends with benefits, you get all the benefits of a relationship but without the title or the responsibilities. With co workers, it’s the same thing. You get all the benefits of friends, without the responsibilities! I understand that may sound cynical, but it’s true! And maybe, just maybe, a co-worker can turn friend.

But I was sitting in the corner of the table with my sister and two co-workers turned friends and I was the happiest I’ve been since my breakup. A freeing feeling washed over me. I wasn’t waiting for a text, or a call, or worrying about whether he missed me or not or if he was ok. All I was worried about was the fabulous chicken parm in front of me and the even more fabulous dress on me. My heart wasn’t falling out of my chest anymore, tears weren’t choking me. Then I landed my eyes on this waiter. He was handsome, a little too handsome. I felt some butterflies, not a lot, but butterflies non the less. He was just my type. Tall, blonde, with dark eyes. Perfect.

My friend and my sister both agreed that I need to go for a man older then me, not younger. So here we were, attempting to scope out his age, squinting across the room like private detectives.

“He’s younger.” My sister began.

“No way!” My friend Ashley retorted.

“We should ask for his age! I’m going to tap him on the shoulder!” My other friend quipped.

That’s when I felt it.

Single again.

I felt like the single girl I was before I met my ex boyfriend. (Now a little wiser.)

You know that buzz you feel when you see a cute guy? Your heart feels like hot milk pouring into a cold glass. Just like the guy at the coffee shop that I’ve seen a couple of times. Last week, and the week before that. Someone I was worried to admit that I was attracted to because I felt guilty.

We laughed and laughed and laughed and there was not a worry in the world as we gossiped. No man was ruining my night and it felt amazing. I realized that although he didn’t mean to, I let my ex boyfriend control my every emotion. And no man would ever do that to me again.

I felt a fullness in my heart that I haven’t felt since my breakup. Maybe even before I met him. A fullness that wasn’t there before. I was ready to become whole again. I had my nieces, I had my parents, and although I don’t have many friends, I’m thankful for the ones I do have.

I can’t even begin to comprehend how free I feel now, and how damn good it feels. Like I’m floating. To be quite frank, I don’t have the time to take care of someone that can’t take care of themselves. I do that all day at the Pre K, I don’t need to come home to it. So I won’t.

I know I’ll have to explain to a couple of more people that we aren’t together anymore, but I don’t owe anyone an explanation as to why. What I did need to do was become whole again. For my nieces, my friends, my family, and most importantly, myself. And I can’t wait to take you on that journey with me.

For the first time since the breakup, I was happy alone. Extremely so.

And that’s when I knew, it was time to not only turn the page, but start a new chapter.

But I needed some help. And isn’t admitting that you need help the first step of recovery?